Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
did i just pee glitter
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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