So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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