I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
