the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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