Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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