Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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