i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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