DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's blow job season.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
