Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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