A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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