High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
