I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
