I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
