I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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