the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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