I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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