My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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