i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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