It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
