cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
