so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
