I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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