Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh god the rape fog is back!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
