I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
