it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
