Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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