Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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