Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
