I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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