Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
