You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
