duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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