If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You took a bar mat shot.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
