What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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