It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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