I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
