You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
