you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
