so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
