I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
