Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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