it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
