My balls are so social today.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
