and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
