WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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