your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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