Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
