I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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