alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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