In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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