I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
