I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
