Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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