I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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