Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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