i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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