I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize