everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
