....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
