Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
