You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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