So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
