i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm at about main and main street
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
