I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
