You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
