I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
