haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
